why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
