Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
