OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
