i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
