Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
