Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
