and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Ladies don't puke and tell
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize