you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
