I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Pooping to opera.
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