the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
