He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Randomize
