from now on my penis is your penis
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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