Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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