Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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