I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
