Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
