I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
