I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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