people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I wish you could order shots online.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
She has the best kind of daddy issues
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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