I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
