When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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