just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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