but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
my liver is dry heaving
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
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