I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
