i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize