Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
