Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
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