I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
