My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
