Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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