He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
