Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
