I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
