I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
