I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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