come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
