I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
