this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize