I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
