I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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