You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
