I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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