Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
