I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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