alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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