You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
