Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
How does one acquire holy water?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
