y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
