I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
