whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
