There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize
