It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
