i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Randomize
