Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
