JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize