I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
