Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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