One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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