Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
