So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
