I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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