Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
false alarm. still invincible.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
