yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
