Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
