I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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