she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
