There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
