I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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