There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
