There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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