I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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