Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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