Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
