So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize