Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Randomize
