No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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