u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
We left the knife in your bed.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
