no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize