I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
