I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize