Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
