Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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