My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
