so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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