Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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