VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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