Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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