I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
