just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
