NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
