Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
