Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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