dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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