well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Randomize
