Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
