dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
