Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
